i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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