somebody snuck up and got me drunk
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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