Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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