I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
