roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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