I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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