I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize