so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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