Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
