i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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