**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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