Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
