she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
