I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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