Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Randomize
