How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
