Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
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and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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