then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sobbing to NWA
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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