Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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