Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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