Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
