Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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