Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
