She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
