I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
