wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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