I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
