if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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