I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
