Say something about gay babies.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
