We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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