I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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