the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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