Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
