i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
