y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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