I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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