Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
