ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
