wat bout pragnant strippers??
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
