My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
