her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
