watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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