Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
