4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
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We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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