Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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