Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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