you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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