Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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