I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize