The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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