I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
