when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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