I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
