i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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