And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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