Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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