I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
