she looked like the before picture.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
