I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
