i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
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My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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