The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
