i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
