1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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