I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
