wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
