Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
