You can't motorboat a personality
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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