this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
