these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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