Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
