when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
