She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
