It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
