dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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