Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
