i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
