Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
