worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
