Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
