I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
